You Don’t Have to Be Strong Alone

Leading with clarity in the chaos—my hospitality team at the 2023 BET Awards.

Over time, I’ve realized something about myself: I am a natural leader.

When things happen… when chaos brews… when pressure rises… people tend to look to me for strength and guidance. And I’ve come to embrace that.

I know how to lead, and I know how to follow.

When someone else’s approach makes sense, I’m comfortable supporting it.

But when it’s clear that leadership is needed from me, I step up.

I’ve always been ready to move in either role.

When I led, I showed up as composed, capable, and reliable—not because I had something to prove, but because that’s who I am. That steadiness has always been a part of me.

Support Was Present—But I Was Used to Being Strong Alone

My mom, brother, and sister—present, supportive, and in my corner.

I’ve also always had love around me.

Family. Friends. People who showed up, poured into me, and supported me in real ways.

And I leaned on them—but I was also in a space where I could stand on my own.

I appreciated their love.

I valued their presence.

But I didn’t depend on it to keep moving forward.

I didn’t need it to hold me up.

Until 2024.

Because for the first time in a long time, I didn’t just appreciate support—

I needed it.

When Strength Becomes Survival

Before the exit, there was eight years of manifestation.

In August 2024, I left BET after eight years—eight years of consistency, growth, relationships, and reputation.

And if I’m being completely honest, I didn’t leave feeling whole.

I left feeling broken.

Not in a way that was obvious to everyone else.

And not in a way that stopped me from showing up.

But broken in the way that lingers internally.

The kind that replays conversations long after they’re over… questions what was real and what wasn’t… and tries to make sense of things that don’t fully add up.

The process of leaving was harder than I ever imagined it would be—emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Because when you give that much of yourself to something, and it ends in a way that leaves you with more questions than clarity…

It stays with you longer than expected.

And still…

I showed up.

Because that’s what I do.

Showing Up Anyway

Still showing up… even when I didn’t feel whole.

If you’ve ever been the strong one, you know this part well.

There’s no falling apart publicly.

No leading with pain.

No making others uncomfortable with what’s being carried.

Instead, the focus stays on moving forward.

Smiling.

Producing.

Showing up per usual.

Because a reputation has been built on being dependable.

And somewhere along the way, it becomes easy to believe there isn’t really the luxury of falling apart.

So that option isn’t taken.

But what happens instead…

Is carrying it quietly.

The Weight of Carrying It Alone

Strong enough to carry it… but still feeling the weight.

Just because you can carry something doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.

And just because you’re capable doesn’t mean you’re okay.

I carried a lot in those months after leaving—disappointment, confusion, a sense of loss, and moments of rejection I hadn’t fully processed.

And because I’m wired to move forward, I didn’t immediately sit with it.

I managed it.

I compartmentalized it.

I told myself it would pass.

And eventually, I would be okay.

But “eventually” felt far away.

The Shift Before My 42nd Birthday

Not every birthday starts with excitement.

By the time December came around—my birthday—I found myself in a different kind of space.

Not one that needed something elaborate.

But one that needed something real.

If I’m honest, part of me didn’t even want to celebrate.

Because when you’re not fully okay, celebration can feel like a task instead of something to enjoy.

And I wasn’t willing to spend energy I didn’t have trying to make it feel like one.

But I also knew something had to shift.

I didn’t need isolation.

I needed connection.

Clarity: What I Actually Needed

This wasn’t just about celebration—it was about coming back to myself.

I didn’t need a party.

I didn’t need a trip.

I didn’t need anything over the top.

I needed to feel supported.

Seen.

Poured into.

Reminded of who I was.

Not by strangers.

By my people—the ones who had history with me, who had seen me in different seasons, and who knew me beyond titles and roles.

And for maybe the first time in a very intentional way…

I decided to ask for that.

The Ask

This was the plan. The intention behind it mattered most to me.

I created a birthday experience that looked like a photoshoot, but it was really something much deeper.

It was about restoration.

I gathered the people I love in one space and asked them to do something simple, yet meaningful:

Give me one word.

That word can describe how you see me and/or capture what I mean to you.

And then I asked them to share it with me while the photographer captured the moment.

What Happened in That Room

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What I knew would be a nice moment turned into something I wasn’t fully prepared for.

Because when people who genuinely love you take the time to express how they see you…

It lands differently.

I was moved to tears several times.

I heard words like:

Resilient.

Champion.

Powerful.

Love.

Mary & Elizabeth.

Family.

Indomitable.

Always.

And those weren’t just words.

They were reflections.

They were reminders.

They were truth—spoken back to me at a time when I needed to hear it most.

For a moment…

I saw myself through their eyes.

A Thank You That Can’t Be Repaid

My people. My heart. My thank you.

To my family and my friends…

Thank you.

Thank you for showing up.

Thank you for pouring into me.

Thank you for loving me in a moment where I didn’t have the capacity to fully hold myself the way I normally do.

You reminded me of who I am—without asking me to prove it.

You gave me exactly what I needed.

And that is something I will never take for granted.

When You Borrow Belief

Mom and sis—the kind of support I can always count on.

There are seasons where your belief in yourself feels quieter.

Not gone.

But quieter.

And in those moments, one of the most powerful things you can do is borrow belief from the people who love you.

That’s what happened for me.

They reminded me of who I’ve been.

How I’ve shown up.

The strength I didn’t fully feel in that moment.

And this time…

I allowed it.

The Strength No One Talks About

There’s magic in support—and in being ready to receive it.

We talk a lot about strength—pushing through, holding it together, figuring it out.

But there’s another kind of strength that doesn’t get enough attention:

The strength to be supported.

The strength to say, “I need you."

The strength to admit, “I’m not okay right now.”

The strength to receive what’s being given to you.

Because if you’re used to being the strong one…

That doesn’t come naturally.

Let Them Show Up

Support is around you—but you still have to receive it.

You may not have a large circle.

But chances are—you have someone.

Someone who cares.

Someone who would show up.

Someone who would pour into you if you let them.

The question is…

Will you let them?

Tell them what you need.

Ask for support.

Ask for encouragement.

Ask for presence.

Don’t assume they know.

And when they show up…

Receive it.

Without deflecting.

Without minimizing.

Without brushing it off.

Take it in.

What I Walked Away With

I didn’t lose anything—I made space for what was next.

I walked into that birthday experience needing something I couldn’t fully articulate at first.

But I walked out reminded.

I am still her.

Still capable.

Still strong.

But more importantly…

I walked away understanding that I don’t have to prove my strength by doing life alone.

Final Thought

A reminder: strength doesn’t have to be carried alone.

Be strong.

Absolutely.

Stand in your power.

Handle what needs to be handled.

But don’t let strength become the reason you isolate yourself.

Because sometimes the very thing that helps you get back up…

Is letting someone else remind you why you can.

Spread the Encouragement

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But are learning they don’t have to be strong alone.