You Always Have a Choice (Even When It Doesn’t Feel Like It)
- Crystal Marshall
- May 19
- 4 min read
For a long time, I didn’t exercise boundaries.
Not because I didn’t believe in them.
Not because I didn’t understand them.
But because I was committed.
As a Lead EA at BET, I gave everything.
Time, energy, access… availability.
There was no “off.”
I planned my life around the job. I anticipated needs before they were spoken. I made things happen behind the scenes so everything looked seamless on the surface.
And to be clear — I was exceptional.
Recognized. Trusted. Respected.
But here’s the part we don’t always talk about:
You can be excellent… and still be overextended.
You can be valued… and still undervalued.
You can be committed… and still be out of alignment.
And when you’re operating at that level, it becomes very easy to convince yourself that you don’t have a choice.
The Moment It Shifted
The boundary didn’t show up in a calendar block.
It didn’t come with a script or a perfectly worded response.
It showed up in a decision.
I asked for more money.
It didn’t happen.
And in that moment, everything became clear.
Not easy. Not comfortable.
But clear.
I had a choice.
Stay — and continue performing at a high level while quietly carrying the weight of being undercompensated.
Or leave — and honor what I knew I deserved, even if it meant walking away from something I had built, nurtured, and mastered over the course of years.
Neither option felt good.
But both were available.
The Lie We Tell Ourselves
This is where most people get stuck.
We tell ourselves:
“I don’t have a choice.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“I can’t just leave.”
“This is just how it is.”
And to some degree, those thoughts feel valid.
Because choosing differently often comes with consequences.
Financial shifts.
Emotional discomfort.
Uncertainty.
Disruption.
But the truth is…
You always have a choice.
It may not be the easiest choice.
It may not be the fastest choice.
It may require planning, patience, and courage.
But it exists.
And the longer you ignore it, the more misaligned you become.
Boundaries Are Decisions, Not Just Statements
When people think about boundaries, they often think about words.
“I’m unavailable after 6.”
“I don’t work weekends.”
“I need more notice.”
Those are boundaries, yes.
But the most powerful boundaries?
They don’t always sound like anything.
They look like decisions.
Deciding what you will no longer tolerate
Deciding how you expect to be treated
Deciding whether you stay… or whether you go
Because people can only do to you what you allow.
And what you allow is often tied to what you believe you deserve.
Here’s the part that doesn’t get talked about enough:
Choosing yourself will take you to an uncomfortable place.
It will stretch you.
It may disappoint people.
It may cause others to feel rejected, even if your intention isn’t to reject them.
It may even invite opinions you didn’t ask for.
People may question your decision.
They may try to convince you to reconsider.
They may highlight everything you’re walking away from, instead of what you’re walking toward.
And if you’re not grounded?
You’ll start second-guessing yourself.
You’ll wonder:
“Am I doing too much?”
“Should I just stay?”
“Maybe it’s not that bad…”
But here’s what you have to remember:
You are the one who has to live with your decision.
Not them.
Not the people who are comfortable with you staying the same.
Not the people who benefit from your overextension.
You.
Knowing Your Worth Requires More Than Awareness
A lot of people say they know their worth.
But knowing your worth is not just a mindset.
It’s a practice.
Because if your actions don’t align with what you say you deserve…
Then your environment will continue to reflect what you tolerate.
Knowing your worth requires bravery.
The bravery to be honest about what’s not working.
The bravery to acknowledge when something no longer aligns.
The bravery to choose differently, even when the outcome isn’t guaranteed.
And it requires action.
Not someday.
Not when it’s perfect.
Not when everyone agrees.
But when you are clear.
What to Do When You Feel Like You Don’t Have a Choice
If you’re reading this and thinking,
“Okay, but my situation is different…”
I want you to pause and ask yourself a few questions:
1. What are my actual options?
Not just the ones that feel comfortable.
List everything — even the ones that feel unrealistic at first.
2. What am I avoiding by staying?
Is it discomfort?
Fear?
Financial uncertainty?
Disappointing someone?
Clarity comes from honesty.
3. What is this costing me long-term?
Your time?
Your energy?
Your peace?
Your growth?
Sometimes staying feels easier in the moment…But more expensive over time.
4. What would choosing myself actually look like?
Not in theory.
In action.
What decision would reflect your worth?
5. What support or plan do I need to make a move?
Not all choices require immediate action.
Some require strategy.
But strategy still starts with a decision.
Stay or Leave — But Own It
There is no judgment in staying.
And there is no glory in leaving just to say you did.
The power is in ownership.
If you choose to stay, let it be intentional.
Not because you feel stuck… but because you’ve decided it still serves you for now.
And if you choose to leave?
Do it with clarity.
Not resentment.
I chose to leave.
Not because I failed.
Not because I was angry.
But because I had proven something to myself.
And I was ready for the next level of alignment.
My Finale Encouragement
If you’re feeling stretched, overlooked, or out of alignment…
Pause.
And ask yourself:
👉 What are my options?
👉 And which one actually honors my worth?
Because the moment you realize you have a choice…
You stop operating from survival and start operating from alignment.
And that shift?
Changes everything.
Boundaries aren’t always loud.
Sometimes, they’re quiet decisions that redefine your life.
Amazing!! I love this!