The Fear of Success: What Happens When You Actually Get What You Wanted?
- Crystal Marshall
- Jul 28
- 9 min read
We spend a lot of time thinking about how to get where we want to go.
We imagine the job.
The business.
The relationship.
The money.
The house.
The opportunity.
We pray about it, talk about it, prepare for it and work toward it.
What we don't spend nearly as much time thinking about is what happens when we actually get there.
How will people treat us?
What will they expect from us?
Will people think we've changed?
Will we change?
And once we finally get comfortable enough to enjoy what we've worked for, can the rug suddenly be pulled from underneath us?
We talk about the fear of failure all the time, but the fear of success can be just as complicated.
What happens when the thing you've imagined, prayed for and worked toward starts looking like it might actually happen?
Emotions are something else.
We can want something desperately and still feel uneasy when it starts looking like we might actually get it.
I know that feeling well.
I Tried the Version of Success I Was Taught
Growing up, adults were very clear about what they believed we needed to do.
Stay in those books.
Get your education.
Get a good job.
And a "good job" usually meant somewhere established.
A big company.
A government job.
An airline.
Somewhere with benefits and stability that would hopefully be around for a long time.
So, after graduating from Earlham College in 2005, I tried it.
I worked at Earlham. I worked at Enterprise Rent-A-Car. I worked at Chase Bank.
I disliked all of those experiences.
Here's the interesting part: I did them well.
I was especially good at customer service.
There were customers who would literally wait in line for me because they wanted me to personally handle their concerns.
They didn't want the next available person.
They wanted Crystal.
That taught me something I wouldn't fully understand until later.
You can be good at something and still know it isn't where you belong.
Success and fulfillment are not always the same thing.
Eventually, I decided to try entrepreneurship.
I had a degree in Business and Nonprofit Management, but I had absolutely no training in how to run a business. I simply decided I was going to do it.
In 2009, I made a Facebook post telling people I would revamp their resumes for a fee.
That was the grand launch. LOL.
I called the business Write to Success because even then, I didn't want to box myself into resumes.
I figured my writing services might eventually expand.
They did.
I kept my expenses low.
I counted every dollar toward rent.
A previous boyfriend had totaled my car, so I didn't have a car or a car payment. That certainly wasn't the circumstance I would have chosen, but looking back, even that helped me stay aligned with the bigger picture.
I wanted the freedom to avoid returning to work I disliked.
I didn't know exactly where I was going.
I just kept moving.
Then I Quietly Applied to BET
In 2016, God told me to apply for a position at BET.
And I told nobody.
Not my mom.
Not my boyfriend at the time.
Nobody.
I wanted to research the opportunity, submit my application and go through the beginning of the process alone.
I didn't want questions.
Did you hear anything?
When is the interview?
How do you think it went?
Do you think you're going to get it?
I had enough of my own thoughts and emotions to manage.
I didn't need anyone else's added to the mix.
Once I landed an interview, I told my mom and boyfriend. They were excited for me, but I still wanted to remain calm and focused.
By the third round, I finally told one of my best friends.
That's when we discovered her family was related to the executive I would potentially be supporting.
She offered to put in a good word for me.
I said no.
I appreciated the offer, but I wanted to go through the process. I wanted to prepare, interview, and allow the opportunity to unfold without trying to influence the outcome through a connection.
And eventually, I got the job.
Now what?
When the Fear of Success Shows Up
Getting the opportunity was one thing.
Being associated with BET was something completely different.
I didn't immediately post about my new job.
In fact, I stayed relatively quiet about it for a long time.
Part of that was business.
Write to Success mattered to me, and I didn't want the identity I had been building since 2009 to suddenly disappear behind three letters.
And part of it was personal.
I didn't want people asking me for tickets.
I didn't want every conversation to become, "Who did you meet?"
I didn't want people asking what celebrities were really like.
And I definitely didn't want people telling me not to change.
But guess what happened?
People started telling me:
"Don't change."
Excuse me?
Errrrrr???
Insert my best Scooby-Doo face here.
Of course I was going to change.
I wanted to change.
I wanted to learn, grow, and become better at what I did.
I welcomed exposure to things I had never experienced before.
That's evolution.
But I knew the essence of who I was.
The things that mattered weren't changing.
I would continue providing elite service regardless of someone's title.
Kindness and respect would remain nonnegotiable.
Those parts of me weren't going anywhere.
A new opportunity didn't require a new character.
I Was Still Crystal
As more people learned where I worked, something interesting happened.
People started calling me "Ms. BET."
They wanted stories.
They wanted access.
They wanted to talk about my job at moments when I wasn't remotely thinking about work.
Someone even wanted to talk to me about BET at a funeral.
A funeral!
Meanwhile, I was thinking: Can I just pay my respects?
It showed me how easily an accomplishment can become an identity in the eyes of other people.
The funny part is that the things people found most fascinating about BET weren't the reasons I pursued the opportunity in the first place.
I had a very calculated purpose.
I wanted to sit at tables of purpose and power so I could learn.
I wanted to see how decision-makers moved.
How did executives think?
How were major decisions made?
How did people communicate when millions of dollars were involved?
How did ideas become campaigns?
How did teams operate under pressure?
I wanted proximity to knowledge.
Yes, I met celebrities.
Yes, I walked red carpets.
Yes, I managed talent onsite.
Yes, I exchanged cell numbers with people whose names you would recognize.
But I was rarely fascinated by the person.
I was fascinated by what I could learn.
The Highlight Reel Leaves Out the Exchange
Social media can make certain careers and opportunities look incredibly glamorous.
And some moments absolutely are.
But there is always an exchange.
The red carpet doesn't show the hours of work that happened before anyone stepped onto it.
The photo doesn't show the pressure.
The celebrity encounter doesn't show the responsibility attached to managing the experience.
The access doesn't show what was required to earn the trust that gave you the access.
People saw the access.
I experienced the work behind the access.
It was exciting, demanding, glamorous, stressful, educational, exhausting and incredibly rewarding.
All of those things can be true at once.
I initially thought I would stay for about two years.
Two years became another two.
And another.
And another.
At the request of my executive, I renewed that experience three times and ultimately stayed for eight years.
I gave those years my absolute best.
I evolved tremendously.
But I never stopped being me.
Take What the Chapter Came to Teach You
When my BET chapter ended, I noticed something else.
Some people assumed the access remained exactly the same.
Could I listen to their mixtape?
Could I introduce them to such-and-such?
Was I going to an industry party?
Could I connect them with somebody?
But my experience had never really been about that.
I worked in Ad Sales at BET. The entertainment industry happened to surround the work I was doing, so yes, I experienced extraordinary things along the way.
But industries move.
People move.
Relationships move.
And when you're no longer in the building, the building keeps operating without you.
That's okay.
I believe you have to recognize what a chapter gave you, take the lessons with you, and keep moving.
BET gave me what I went there to receive.
Knowledge.
Experience.
Exposure.
Relationships.
Leadership.
A front-row seat to how people with tremendous responsibility make decisions and move ideas forward.
I didn't need to remain "Ms. BET" forever to prove that the experience mattered.
BET became part of my story.
It didn't become the whole story.
Write to Success existed before BET.
I existed before BET.
And there was always going to be life after BET.
Today, I share more of those stories than I did when I was living them. I have the time and perspective to understand what some of those moments actually taught me.
Now you don't forget Write to Success or CMC because I tell you a BET story.
You simply add BET to the mix.
It is not THEE mix.
Show Up Anxious and All
Looking back, I can see a pattern throughout my life.
I rarely knew exactly where something would lead before I moved.
I didn't know what would happen when I started Write to Success with a Facebook post in 2009.
I didn't know what would happen when I quietly submitted an application to BET in 2016.
I certainly didn't know that what I thought might be a two-year experience would become eight years.
I followed my instinct.
I prepared.
I showed up.
And once I got there, I gave it everything I had.
That's what I continue to believe today.
Remember your foundation.
Don't half-do anything, even when you know it isn't forever.
Learn what you can.
Serve people well.
Pay attention.
Prepare.
Show up.
And never convince yourself that you're stuck.
You always have options.
You may not like the options.
The new direction may be inconvenient.
It may require sacrifice.
It may not resemble the picture you originally had in your head.
But the options are there.
Choose one and move.
Don't Miss It Because You're Afraid to Receive It
Maybe the fear of success isn't really about success at all.
Maybe we're afraid of everything we believe success might change.
Our responsibilities.
Our relationships.
Other people's expectations.
The way people see us.
The way we see ourselves.
And then there's another fear we don't talk about enough:
What if I finally allow myself to enjoy this and lose it?
Sometimes we brace ourselves against happiness because we know nothing is guaranteed.
We keep part of ourselves emotionally guarded, thinking that if we don't get too comfortable, maybe it won't hurt as badly if something changes.
But uncertainty exists whether we enjoy the opportunity or not.
We spend so much time preparing ourselves to pursue the dream that maybe we should also prepare ourselves to receive it.
Because getting closer can be scary.
People may see you differently.
They may expect more from you.
Some may project their assumptions onto you.
And yes, one day the opportunity may end.
Most opportunities do.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy them while they're yours.
You don't have to shrink your dreams because you're afraid of what happens if they come true.
You don't have to know how long the chapter will last before deciding it's worth opening the book.
And you don't have to know exactly who you'll become on the other side.
You will evolve.
Hopefully, you will change in some ways.
But you don't have to lose yourself in the process.
Take your foundation with you.
Prepare.
Show up, anxious and all.
Let the experience teach you what you couldn't have known before you got there.
The anxiety will pass.
The uncertainty will pass.
The questions will eventually find their answers.
But some opportunities will pass, too.
Don't let yours pass because you were afraid of what might happen if you actually got what you asked for.
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